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Water Cooler Conversation - SHUT THE FUCK UP!
oh fuckbugger
Ironic I should use that subject line, as I loathe it when people use all caps.

Listen. I know I'm just the peon here who happens to be fucking the boss. I know that it doesn't come with as many perks as it could (everyone else he's slept with is dead, after all). I still have to make the goddamn coffee.

Though if I may say, it is excellent coffee.

Back to the point - and I will digress for now on what happens when the office mascot shits on the coffee machine, and I was having a bad day and left some in the cup when I poured the boss's coffee (What? It's not like it was going to kill him) - there has been some water cooler conversation going around the office lately.

Here's the thing. There is a time and a place for water cooler conversation. The time: During break. The place: The water cooler. Not at the coffee machine. Where I have to be, most of the time, by the way, because these people are addicted to my coffee (perfectly understandable given some of the things I put in it).

Talk somewhere else. Outside on the roof, for instance, like the pompous prick you are. Or go out with your fucking husband to an Indian restaurant on yet another night you're taking off early, leaving me here cleaning up bird shit and trying to amuse the boss with naked hide-and-seek (Harrassment, that's all I'm saying, if I so desired and weren't worried about having my mind wiped and walking around in some godforsaken place like Nebraska thinking my name was Ron) in order to distract him from that other thing in the basement - which thank God no one's found out about that.

Where was I going with this? Oh, right. But with the water cooler conversation? Yours is stupid. Incredibly, unbelievably, please-pass-the-axe-so-I-can-put-the-pointy-end-in-my-head stupid. It is punctuated with "likes" and "buts" (or in one person's case, "butts" and variants thereof), and talk about reality television. Given what we do all day, I suppose you could make a case for escapism, but Big Brother is going too far. I don't want to hear that shit. I'm too busy rereading Moby Dick and fake-laughing at all the innuendos my boss makes about it.

God, are there a lot of innuendos. I'm really starting to hate that book.


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